You can’t change people, but people can change because of you

How many times you have closed your eyes and wished deep inside  that someone could just change? and how many times you thought you really “could do it” and change them? was it a behavior that you didn’t like, was it a wishful thought to make your relationship become better. Whatever the reason was, we all did it, and more likely we will all keep doing it… Trying to Change others… 

The Miracle of Believing is Individual, is Singular, I wish I could believe for all of you, but the fact remains that you need to believe for yourself.

~Jim Rohn

In my upcoming Book, “Living an Influential Life”, I go over the power of Influence and how you can inspire and aspire others to change by simply working on yourself and building specific aspects of YOU that will make others look up to you.

Let’s pause for a second and think of the following… If you have been doing something in a specific way, and it was working for you… Would you want to look for ways to enhance it? chances are that you won’t… However when that specific way lead to a disaster, then you would be forced to change… But there are those times, when you are not really looking for way to enhance and change things, and suddenly, you see someone else doing it in a much efficient way, that you feel inspired to change!

During my line of work, I used to travel a LOT… and I have used to ask the cabin crew for requests in a very polite manner but really had no specific way on how to do so; Until one day, one of my Best friends, Bachar D.  who was more experienced in traveling than I was, gave me a great tip… We were siting in a restaurant and he asked for a napkin from the waiter, he said to him: “Excuse me, <First Name – that he could read from the nameTag>, when you have time, can you please get me a napkin.” and the waiter smiled at him, and despite how busy he was, he did prioritize getting the napkin for him in no time…

Now of course it may sound silly for you, but when Bachar explained this to me, he said that the fact that he mentioned ” WHEN YOU HAVE TIME” in the sentence, it made a huge difference in the structure of the sentence and the other person felt more respected, and of course this was a trick that he learned in the airline business…. and Ever since, I tried it and used it over and over and over and it works every time…

He really didn’t ask me to change… He didn’t say that my “can I have a napkin please” is horrible… he really didn’t say anything… he was just being him, and doing things his way… and Just that… Inspired me to make a small change in my behavior.

So the tip for this week, is Instead of trying so hard to Change people, Be The Change you want to see… and inspire others to change because of you!

Your Story Matters... By Bachar Dib

This post is dedicated to Bachar Dib

Enjoy your Week!

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Samer Chidiac

Samer Chidiac is a Sr. Strategist, Author & an International Innovation Expert.

The Monday Tip Weekly blog is part of the “Influencing the Life of Others” project

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Keep Learning to Become Successful, then Start Unlearning to stay that way!

“It is not the strongest of the species that survives, nor the most intelligent, but the one most responsive to change.” ~Professor Leon C. Megginson

When you often hear about Change and Evolution, depending on your age, you might visualize Charles Darwin talking about how we, the humans, have evolved or you might simply take a glimpse and think about how the use of Mobile phones evolved to changed our life…

I’ve had an interesting discussion with the Former the Microsoft’s UK Head of Education, after she moved to the Middle East and took a leadership role in Oman; She was sharing some tips from her evolved lifestyle between 2 different culture of business and even between 2 different Eras and reminded me that the key to a successful evolution is adapting to change and most importantly… Unlearning.

For this week’s tip, we’re not going into a complete paradigm shift and change our current reality (like Neo took the red Pill in the Matrix and everything changed 🙂 ) instead, we need to take a deeper look at how we, as individuals, have several habits and learning that we are so attached to,  that we try to change the circumstances to fit what we know, rather than to change what we know to fit the circumstances.

What is Unlearning?

Unlearning is not reframing or refreezing or something along that lines. They all focus on an end state whereas unlearning is about moving away from something rather than moving towards something.

So unlearning is exactly what it says. Intending to let go of what we have already learned or acquired. It is not about right or wrong. It is about being open to and exploring something that lies underneath the judgment, underneath the right and the wrong.

How do we unLearn?

Margie Warrell once explained unlearning, by LEARNING TO BE AGILE (to be flexible!) and quoting from her article at Forbes.com

Unlearning is about moving away from something—letting go—rather than acquiring. It’s like stripping old paint. It lays the foundation for the new layer of fresh learning to be acquired and to stick. But like the painter who needs to prepare a surface, stripping the paint is 70% of the work while repainting is only 30%.

So to sum it up, YES change is hard, and it’s a slow process, but it’s not impossible, and just like in order to throw an Arrow you need to Pull back; changing and adapting will make you experience some decrease in productivity and enthusiasm for a little while, but it will help you STAY successful!

Have a Nice Week!
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Samer Chidiac

Samer Chidiac is a Sr. Strategist, Author & an International Innovation Expert.

The Monday Tip Weekly blog is part of the “Influencing the Life of Others” project