Lie to me!

Everybody lies, that’s a famous statement in the TV Series “House”, and in so many other studies. We lie about our age, background, relationships, health and social issues. Lying is just a mechanism that some people use to get away with a specific situation (temporary or permanently).

Ever since you were a kid, and growing year by year, you would start discovering that you can escape some situations if you simply told a lie, babies don’t lie, but at a certain age, they start realizing that they are capable of saying something that is different than the truth, and others may not notice.

TRUST ME I’M LYING

The impact of lying can sometimes not be very significant (like when a husband lie to his wife when she ask him about how does she look in a particular dress) or can be super significant (positively or negatively) when that lie reaches a whole new level (like creating a cult or a new religion… and needless to say, Politics and more).

In this article, I’m not going to go through the “Strategic Lies”, I’m just going to shed the light on few points that a manager can take notes of, and of course anyone for what that matters.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

Trusting the person after they have committed a crime towards your honesty, is very difficult. And a lot of actions can fall within the Lying Category (Cheating, deception and more…)

SYMPTOMS OF LYING

Luckily, spotting the (honest) liar can prove to be easier than some would think. As we are all humans, and no matter how great we are and how competent we are, we can (almost) never control our subconscious mind. So per example, you can raise your hand and clap your fingers whenever you want, but you cannot control when your pupils would dilate or when to start or stop sweating per example, as these are all control by your right brain which is (luckily again) the honest part of you.

Let me ask you this, if you child (or little brother) break something, and you confront him to do so… Most likely you would use a sentence like “Look me in the eyes and tell me if you did it”. It’s mostly because avoiding eye contacts is a very major companion to telling a lie.

Other symptoms, includes covering the mouth with your hand, scratching your head and – Believe it or not – scratching your nose because it becomes slightly bigger (do you remember the famous Pinocchio Story where his nose would grow bigger when told a lie?)

The famous Pinocchio

THE LIE FOR ME TEST

This week’s tip is about how to intentionally spot the liar in someone with whom you deal with, work with, or live with…

In a lot of movies, TV series, you would find couples spotting the lies of each others by suggesting specific gestures that the other person is doing and you often hear something like “You always do this thing with your ear when you lie”… So each person, mostly, have a gesture associated with lying. So all you need to do, is to get to know what this/these are.

I used this week’s tip/trick on multiple occasions with my employees, to understand how would they lie. Especially with those in key positions that is critical to me. When I first hired my executive assistant, which is a very tricky role in any organization, I needed to see how would she lie *if ever she had to*; And don’t get me wrong, Maryam (my Executive assistant at the time) was an ANGEL, she was very smart and exceptionally reliable; so I decided to test her;

The test was very simple, and should be harmless, I needed to check how would her facial expression be. When The phone rang, and I knew who was the person calling, I told her to tell them that I wasn’t in the office and that I mostly won’t be able to come today. The task was simple, but she wasn’t very prepared for such a thing… So her reaction was confusion all over her face and all types of gestures… But her voice sounded warm and confident.

And you could guess, that I repeated the same exercise multiple times (with slight changes) to see how would she get more comfortable to lying about that specific topic and then show her trademarked gesture… And then I noticed it… I can Proudly say that I never seen her trademarked gesture in my many years working with her, because she truly was one of the rare few honest people that you would be genuinely lucky to have her in your team. However I wish I can say the same about other members of my team over the years.

So my advice to you is to try to figure out (in your own way) how your key employees lie and then you won’t be surprised when it really Matters.

Have a wonderful week,
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

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5 types of lies you tell yourself and what to do next!

You can guess what Monday is it, it’s Monday the first of April, and traditionally it’s a day where you can allow yourself to lie a “white lie” that is both harmless and entertaining with others… Now whether you do that or not, it became a common practice even with big corporations such as Google, Emirates Airlines and way more, so why not?

You talk to yourself all the time, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing… You just need to be careful with the topic itself… what are the most common 5 lies you tell yourself?

“If you wear a mask for too long, there will come a time when you can not remove it without removing your face.” 

Matshona Dhliwayo

#5 I’m a failure

THE END LIE: That’s one statement that you tell yourself when you feel devastated from trying too hard and not succeeding, however what you may not realize that it’s actually an END RESULT which implies that you WON’T CHANGE no matter what… So instead, you can start by saying… I Failed… OK, Cool… What can I learn from this… OK… Now let’s move on…

#4 I am nearly there

THE MOTIVATIONAL LIE: Now despite that I’m not necessarily against this type of way to motivate your self, but sometimes it is used in a way that gives a false sense of completion and hold you back rather than pushing you forward. Per example, if you are commuting for 20 KM, and you passed 1 KM only… Saying that you are nearly there is an overstatement and at the same time, if you’re on the 19 KM mark, then yes you are truthful… However, When you are 9 KM or 11 KM, then you’re not there yet, and but you are far off where you begun, so in this case, you can motivate yourself in whatever you think feasible to keep going… and Not taking it as a reason to stop.

#3 He loves me but, he’s too busy

THE BETTER-HALF LIE: Yeah yeah yeah… He (or she) loves me… but he is too busy to call, too busy to give me attention and too busy for a lot of other things… But he still loves me… and I’m OK with that…. He did this or that because he cares about me… I must have done something wrong to deserve this… And the list goes on and on.

To be honest with you, WTH!!! … You’re giving excuses on behalf of someone else, so in other words, you are assuming something that you don’t know for certain, and if I know one thing… NOTHING is CERTAIN… a lot of people get deceived by someone who they think they knew… and the best con artists in the world… are those who MAKES YOU BELIEVE IT ON YOUR OWN… So if you’re doing the work of giving your Better-half an excuse… Congratulations… You’ve just made a BETTER-HALF Lie to yourself.

#2 I’m going to do this for the last time

THE ONE LAST TIME LIE: I’m going to __________ (start exercising/ dieting/ stopping this /starting that) tomorrow, be for today, I’m going to do this ONE LAST TIME…

Whether you want to quit a bad habit, or start a new one, the temptation that you can get from the ONE LAST TIME of something is unparalleled. Maybe one last smoke? or one last time with this delicious fast food before switching to healthy eating… Whatever your ONE LAST TIME was… If you really wanted to quit, you would just START and resist the temptation of this type of lies.

#1 You can’t cook the chicken except after removing its legs.

Wait… What?? well as a start you need to give it to me that I grabbed your attention.. Read on cause this is the worst type of Lie of them all!

THE TRUE LIE: I once had a conversation with a friend of mine who told me that when he got married, his wife had a small conflict with his mother who was “suggesting” to her on how to cook chicken which is removing its legs then putting it in the oven. And as weird as it sounded, the wife complained to my friend who told her that the Mother learned it from her mother…

So my friend went to the old grandmother, and asked her on the SECRET… and she simply replied “We had a small oven that didn’t fit the whole chicken.”

Just like the mother of my friend didn’t know why her mother was cooking the chicken this way, and decided not to change the way… We have a lot of habits and Knowledge that we don’t know where it came from, and we do them anyhow… And that eventually they became our Truth! and this the worst type, cause it’s a true lie… And you have no idea that it is…

So how about you check which habits falls in the last category… The Lies that you don’t know they are Lies… And you pass them on!

The tip for this week is obviously related to “Stop selling your lies to yourself”… Despite – again – that I hate lying in general and wouldn’t recommend it in any situation, however for the purpose of this blog, I would focus on the part where telling yourself lies to make something better is the worst you could do.

Have a TRUE-LY wonderful week!
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Don’t spread a lie, to reinforce the truth

I’ll start by telling you a small story:

A while Back, I was going through some house cleaning services in Dubai, and I liked a particular website / service… The Design of the site was very good, and it was user-friendly and not to mention the service looked very professional and the prices reasonable.

I reached to the Booking section where I needed to choose a timing for when the person would come to my house for the and I still vividly remember that I Chose Monday at 8:00 AM. Sadly, when I reached to the payment section, I had some issues with some coupons and credit card, so at the end, the transaction didn’t go through.

On Monday at exactly 8:00 AM, the door bell ring, and a nice lady from that company was standing there, wearing her uniform (with the branding of that company on her shirt, so you really cant miss it 🙂 ) and I said to myself, well maybe my transaction did go through after all and I will pay in Cash at the end of the service.

Around 30 minutes after she have started cleaning the apartment, her phone rings, and she started speaking in Filipino, and then she was like very upset and started yelling to the caller, and later on looked at me in a very sad Face… “I’m Sorry Sir, this is the wrong address, I need to go”; I was a bit shocked… but after I called her supervisor to understand what happened, it turned out that the address of the other client who booked the cleaning service was NOT AT ALL RELATED, but for a non-native English speaker, you could get confused by the numbers in the address and magically reach me!

What were the odds of that happening?  Around 1 in 3,000 actually… But why it is important to tell you this… Cause it Actually Happened! and it could also not be an honest mistake and instead a thief coming into the house… and the issue was that I FILLED IN THE GAPS to make things work out… Got it?

How many times, a good friend of yours (at some point in time), has been with the wrong person, but instead of noticing how WRONG the situation was, she / he started to fill in the gaps by creating assumptions to have a quick fix? does the following sound familiar to you:

  • He might have forgotten that he needed to call me
  • She definitely was busy
  • He’s a good man, I think the way he is treating me like this, because of work pressure
  • …. and the list go on and on.

Despite that this is not healthy most of the times, you know, filling in the gaps with assumptions… Filling the gaps with LIES is even worse.

Some people go to the extreme here, trying to reinforce a specific message, a specific “Truth”, they come up with Lies. And this comes up a lot on social media these days, and are spread mostly by honest people, who do believe what they read.

Let me give you an example,

  • Let’s say, Miss Y knows that Mr. X have a crush on her… and then her friend Miss Z told her that Mr. X was talking to his friend about her. Well, he might have been doing so, but Miss Z made this up… and Miss Y believed it.. cause it confirmed her notion of Mr. X have a crush on her.
  • Let’s say you’re from that part of the world where you’ve never had an encounter with Arabs or people from the Middle East, and all you know about them is what you see in the news, and mostly is BAD stuff… What happened when you hear about an incident and the  main suspect is an Arab? chances are that you will believe that cause it will reinforce your beliefs… Although if the main suspect was not an Arab, you may look for ulterior motives and stuff.
  • You See a photo, an article, a link showing some very skinning people suffering  and you’ve known that Hunger sadly exist in some part of Africa, and if the photo shows black individual, and the label says, this photo was taken Last week in Somalia, Chances are you’re going to sympathize with them, and share the photo yourself… The cause itself is true, but that specific image might not be related, and it could also be taken from a movie where these are actors… but you wouldn’t care would you?
  • Last and not least, if you support a specific political party or religious party,  you will tend to believe all the good and reject all the bad, and vice versa towards the “competition”

Let’s go back to Basics for a second… It all started with Kids… You do know that Children in their early age, they don’t know how to Lie? and in fact they can’t understand how you can actually tell about something while it isn’t true… They are so innocent at that age that when you hide your face from them, they think that you disappeared and when you’re back with a PIKAPOOO… They GET fascinated!! And then they start learning how things work, and how to get attention, until they start LYING to get attention… The issue becomes serious… When this Actually works for them…

So this week’s tip, don’t believe everything you read / hear / see, just because it confirms your point of view… And most importantly don’t come up with Lies just to reinforce a truth or a belief!

Enjoy your Week!

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Samer Chidiac

Samer Chidiac is a Sr. Strategist, Author & an International Innovation Expert.

The Monday Tip Weekly blog is part of the “Influencing the Life of Others” project