When things are OK, everyone is OK!

For some reason when things go well in any project or idea or task or behavior and when everything is just great, most would stop looking at the details; This one relationship is meant to be when you meet that right person, even if you met him or her at the most awkward of situations, but as long as the end result is good, somehow people are okay with whatever happened before that while if things didn’t go well, then people will start questioning all sorts of errors and start talking about why would you allow yourself to be in that situation in the first place!

This is key, you may have met the right person during all the wonderful circumstances being at the right time the right place with the right introductions… Everything went smoothly afterwards, you introduced him or her to your friends, family and started going out, etc. and days and months and even years went fantastically only it ended afterwards but also on a positive note. It just didn’t work out and no one was hurt. and Life goes on!

In that particular case, people may look at it and say sentences like: Oh, well, it’s OK.

In contrast, If you go out with somebody, and then things doesn’t go as they way they should, then for some reason Everyone (yourself included) would start questioning your ability to pick the right person, and you may start hearing about how you don’t know or you don’t understand women or men or how you don’t understand how to go out or how you don’t you didn’t give enough time… You didn’t do thisYou didn’t do that... It seems that everybody would become experts in finding some sort of a fault in your sky.

Nevertheless, very few would look at it from your perspective and try to see how this could have worked properly. Let’s say two persons met while both of were drunk at a party and ended up sleeping together on the first night and later on, fell in love and made a wonderful family and kids, etc. Would that make the first meeting an optimal one ? despite how this would have gone horribly wrong, yet it didn’t.

So why is everybody suddenly more forgiving and understanding with that scenario but not so much when the end results were not fine? from my experience, and from let’s say, practically all of the rich and famous people, most of them experienced a very rough childhood with very bad experiences during their early beginnings. Yes, person A got raped when she was young and she became a fantastic and most successful TV host, The other person B had to borrow money to eat and then became the richest and the other person C slept in his garage without taking showers for a month and stories would keep flowing… You would have endless horrible and miserable beginnings for very famous people. So why this doesn’t actually means that all the others who have had similar beginnings but somehow didn’t end up rich and famous are worthy of our attention? does that make things okay?

This week’s Tip is about exactly that: When things are okay. People are okay. When things go wrong. People start questioning the okay. The right thing is always right and the wrong thing is always wrong. Whether you admit this or not, the right way of meeting people, of doing business, of starting is always right. The wrong way, however, is also wrong, No matter if it led to a happy ending or not. You have to admit that if something will lead to a wonderful ending, let’s say a mistake happened and you manage to come up with a very brilliant idea, that doesn’t make the mistake anything else than what it already is, you need to admit that this may have been the best mistake ever, but still call it a mistake and if something went right and ended wrong, you need to still acknowledge that it was right instead of focusing on the end result and saying this is wrong.

Whether in business, relationships, or practically anything else, you may need to try un-orthodox manners to reach your goals, nevertheless, trying to put a filter won’t help in validating your means, cause in order to fix your tooth, the dentist may have to make you suffer a lot of pain in order to save you from a lot afterwards, that doesn’t make it feel like a pleasant experience.

Have a nice week.
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

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Beauty lies in the eye of the beholder… Ugliness as well.

So you wake up one day, and while you are walking out of your room, you suddenly see a Cockroach on the floor and you start having a mixed feeling of disgust and fear, then you would start thinking that this insect might certainly have been in the kitchen and marched over the area where you place your food on… No Wait… The reason is because the person who was suppose to clean up MUST have been not working well, and Needs to be fired… and you continue with stuff like “Oh My god, I hate killing cockroaches… will it just go away… what should  I Do“… and over the course of the next 2 minutes all you could think of… is how inconvenient of a situation that must have been…  And to your surprise… it turns out that this was not an insect, but only a small piece of black jewelry that must have fell down from you while you entered the house late last night…

What exactly Happened??

Nothing… It was all just.. YOU!

Yes my dear friend, it could happen to any of us, and it’s perfectly normal, that your brain can play tricks on you, and in the absence of a confirmed truth, your _______________ could fill in the gap… (and depending if you’re an optimist or pessimist… you can place the correct word there.)

In one of his TED Talk, Professor Paul Bloom, was talking about the origin of pleasure in an exceptional presentation (Check it out here); He shared an experience that will illustrate the tip for this week, Quoting from his talk:

Now I’ve been talking so far about pleasure, but what I want to suggest is that everything I’ve said applies as well to pain. And how you think about what you’re experiencing, your beliefs about the essence of it, affect how it hurts. One lovely experiment was done by Kurt Gray and Dan Wegner. What they did was they hooked up Harvard undergraduates to an electric shock machine. And they gave them a series of painful electric shocks. So it was a series of five painful shocks. Half of them are told that they’re being given the shocks by somebody in another room, but the person in the other room doesn’t know they’re giving them shocks. There’s no malevolence, they’re just pressing a button. The first shock is recorded as very painful. The second shock feels less painful, because you get a bit used to it. The third drops, the fourth, the fifth. The pain gets less. In the other condition, they’re told that the person in the next room is shocking them on purpose — knows they’re shocking them. The first shock hurts like hell. The second shock hurts just as much, and the third and the fourth and the fifth. It hurts more if you believe somebody is doing it to you on purpose.

 Based on the experiment above, we actually can feel more pain, or more pleasure depending on how we think about it..

So if you like a person, you tend to see them more attractive by trying to look up the area in their face that drives you crazy, like a smile, eyes,,, etc… And If you hate a person, or believe they did hurt you in a way… No matter what they would do, you will always feel as if it’s an insult… even if it’s a simple “Good morning“.

Same thing goes with problems we have or we think we have… You can have an illusion of how difficult and inconvenient a task will be.. only to realize that it wasn’t that much worth your energy waste!

Just be Optimistic, and always try to see the beauty in everything, and see an opportunity in every difficulty… Even if it doesn’t work the way you would want it to… It will be much better than the opposite…

Enjoy your week,

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Samer Chidiac

Samer Chidiac is a Sr. Strategist, Author & an International Innovation Expert.

The Monday Tip Weekly blog is part of the “Influencing the Life of Others” project