Never lose track of yourself

One day you wake up, and look at the mirror and see a person you don’t know, a person that looks a lot like you, has your features, but strangely you don’t recognize that person. Because deep inside of yourself, you realize that this is not YOU… and if it was indeed you, you fail to acknowledge how did you end up here. When did you lose track?

I was having a coaching session with a fantastic individual recently, and she was describing how her life lead her to a crossroads, where either direction would lead to a path that she doesn’t fantasy; she stopped at that particular point and is thinking hard on that potential destination, and that difficult decision that would lead her nowhere. The most interesting part about that conversation is that she has been at that point in her life, by the time of our session for more than four years.   

You would be surprised to know that Ms. X was not the only individual facing such a situation and that our session brought several flashbacks from others who were at her exact place without notice, whether in a work/professional or personal context; You may call it “Stuck” or a “Dead end” or whatever synonym  that would resonate more to you, what I would like to share with you in this article, is my point of view on this.

What I told Ms. X, after a long and warm talk that transported her to a time where she felt the complete opposite and where destinations were clearer, and decisions were more natural:   

“You Have lost track but not of where you are going, but instead, you have lost track of yourself. You lost yourself somewhere, at some point in time. Now you are allowing someone else to take over your decisions, a different person that looks like you, sounds like you, but deep inside, that isn’t YOU.”

I wish I can tell you that there is an easy solution for anyone in this situation; there isn’t. But there is a clear answer to that question, and the answer is always YOU.

At some point in our life, the sum of all of our experiences shapes who we are and who we have become; in one of my research, I emphasized on the different points that shape our individualities which I call them S.P.I.C.E.D that stands for S: Story, P: Personality, I: Interests, C: Culture, E: Education and D for Diversity; so when you look at all of these elements combined, you would feel there is someone underneath all of that… and simply, that Someone is YOU!

If you have limited battery life on your phone and you are let’s say traveling with no access to a near charger for at least 3 hours, your decisions on how you would use your phone will become more strategic; Pretty much when you realize the value of your time, your actions and decisions will start making more sense, and you won’t be able to understand and appreciate the value of your time if you can’t value your Self.

Our Tip for this week is never losing track of who you are because when you do, an alternative ego or a ghost-version of you will take over and will start taking control of everything.

And just like the Phone Battery, realize that you have a finite time and energy, so make sure you appreciate that as a gift.

Have a wonderful week,

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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Criticize Actions Not People

Since a long, long time. I have read this in one of the books and it’s one of the most important parts in management. And in particular, how to manage people.

If I could get $1 every time I heard about somebody not liking to work with another person, or having pain from their own business relationship, I would have been a millionaire by now.

There’s a big confusion between liking somebody and liking to work with somebody, or simply being efficient in working with someone; I see things in multiple perspective. In my career, I have moved from working as an individual contributor (where I am the average employee) to becoming a manager and managing a group of employees And then to becoming a manager of managers on a director level, where you need to manage those who manage others and then all the way to an executive level where you oversee the organization as a whole.

Traditionally, Dealing with people has always been a challenge for most managers; When I had that issue at some point in time, and later on when I I spoke about it in conferences and workshops, I used to reflect and give the same example:

Every time I used to give the example of kids and dealings with kids, So, if you have a problem with your child, let’s say they did something wrong, they broke something. When you come to them and you tell them.

Did you break this. Why did you break it?

More likely, the kid is going to (depending how you raised them but most of the cases) tell you all types of stories how it was not his fault, and mostly based on  psychology, it would be because he felt under attack or under threat; when you are attacking him as a person, then he will certainly try to defend himself, But if you do not attack him as a person but you try to talk to the act, then, more likely that they would understand and open up to see what’s happening.

So, the best case scenario, you would tell your kids: Listen, I still love you, you’re still my Alexander, However, I am disappointed in what you have done and your action, this particular action is not something we have agreed on this is not what I raised you to do and how to treat your sister Maria.

So, this particular action. I am upset of.

This way, you will have a discussion over the action itself rather than him being incompetent, and so on.

So as you move back to management, you look at and talk to your employee; If that employee started feeling under threat because you are touching on her competence to perform her job, eventually she will pull up her defense mechanisms, and you will lose the touch.

So, this week’s that is about focusing on the actions and not the person in your criticism, and when you want to manage the person you are actually focusing on your work relationship and therefore, you have a certain expectations that they need to meet and their actions are a big indication to that.

Trust me, it will pay off on the longer run.

Have a wonderful week.
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

The Eyes of Others

Whenever I used to coach on public speaking and advise on subjects related to communications especially in conjunction with leadership and personal leadership in particular,  there was one point that I kept emphasizing more and more: It’s to the way you talk, and the words that you use to talk to the person.

No matter how much you think you and another person or a group of individuals have in common and are coming from the same – almost exact – background, ( or whatever you want to call it), it’s very and highly unlikely that everything that you would say would match the other person’s perception and every subject that you would talk about from social behaviors to religion would actually risk ending up being interpreted in a negative way by the other party.

So let’s start with the following, I want you to picture yourself in this situation: You are at an art gallery and looking at one particular piece of art and then another person happen to be sitting or standing at the art gallery and starring at the same piece. So obviously, you must share the interest of art right?

You looked at that painting, pause and say to yourself maybe horrible critics… Maybe because you didn’t understand it, as it didn’t make sense to you, as if the artist literally just took a piece of paint and scrambled around that white canvas, And then put a $20,000 as price tag for the result.

So you look at that painting, and you say out loud:

This is ugly, this painting is ugly, it’s worthless…

And then you the other person who was standing next to you, listening and checking, they might have found your comment and opinion, rather insulting to the artist and to the maybe to the entire art community.

Because what you’re saying was a statement that suggests that if another person doesn’t necessarily agree with it, you are putting yourself at a higher level where everyone who disagree with you BENEATH.

So this small comment of yours, your small opinion (of yours) turns into a debate where the other person is actually in a position to say, No, you’re wrong, this is very valuable, and so on. And he/she starts taking the defensive mode because they posses a sense that is a different opinion than yours.

Now, my comment and advice to the leader or the person I’m coaching would be the following:

When you pick your words, try to if you want to say a negative thing about that, or what is try to link it to yourself, instead of “This is an ugly painting,” Switch it to “I don’t like this type of painting” and instead of saying, This is too expensive, switch it to I wouldn’t pay such a price for such a piece.

Now, the difference between the both statements is that when you say I don’t like it, you’re not suggesting that the other person who may actually like it as well ” you have a lower taste than me” or that you’re suggesting that he should agree as well or else.

All what you’re saying is that you didn’t liked it. So if the person liked it, he’s not in a combat with you; If you say: “I wouldn’t pay that much for it”. You may have a million other reasons than the reason of this is not worth that much, so the other person, don’t feel he’s offended.

This week’s tip is about seeing things from the other perspective in words,

Try  when you want to compliment the person to talk about them to when you want to not complement and do the opposite Talk about you.

It’s  a very helpful thing if you want to say something negative, that if you went into, per example, a party and you didn’t like the food, and you have to give your opinion, just say: I wasn’t feeling well today.

In contrast, For example, if you want to compliment the person who invited you, you can look straight in the eye and Say:

“Joanna, YOU are magnificent host, THANK YOU!”

And there you go, the magic of words…

Have a beautiful week.
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

When things are OK, everyone is OK!

For some reason when things go well in any project or idea or task or behavior and when everything is just great, most would stop looking at the details; This one relationship is meant to be when you meet that right person, even if you met him or her at the most awkward of situations, but as long as the end result is good, somehow people are okay with whatever happened before that while if things didn’t go well, then people will start questioning all sorts of errors and start talking about why would you allow yourself to be in that situation in the first place!

This is key, you may have met the right person during all the wonderful circumstances being at the right time the right place with the right introductions… Everything went smoothly afterwards, you introduced him or her to your friends, family and started going out, etc. and days and months and even years went fantastically only it ended afterwards but also on a positive note. It just didn’t work out and no one was hurt. and Life goes on!

In that particular case, people may look at it and say sentences like: Oh, well, it’s OK.

In contrast, If you go out with somebody, and then things doesn’t go as they way they should, then for some reason Everyone (yourself included) would start questioning your ability to pick the right person, and you may start hearing about how you don’t know or you don’t understand women or men or how you don’t understand how to go out or how you don’t you didn’t give enough time… You didn’t do thisYou didn’t do that... It seems that everybody would become experts in finding some sort of a fault in your sky.

Nevertheless, very few would look at it from your perspective and try to see how this could have worked properly. Let’s say two persons met while both of were drunk at a party and ended up sleeping together on the first night and later on, fell in love and made a wonderful family and kids, etc. Would that make the first meeting an optimal one ? despite how this would have gone horribly wrong, yet it didn’t.

So why is everybody suddenly more forgiving and understanding with that scenario but not so much when the end results were not fine? from my experience, and from let’s say, practically all of the rich and famous people, most of them experienced a very rough childhood with very bad experiences during their early beginnings. Yes, person A got raped when she was young and she became a fantastic and most successful TV host, The other person B had to borrow money to eat and then became the richest and the other person C slept in his garage without taking showers for a month and stories would keep flowing… You would have endless horrible and miserable beginnings for very famous people. So why this doesn’t actually means that all the others who have had similar beginnings but somehow didn’t end up rich and famous are worthy of our attention? does that make things okay?

This week’s Tip is about exactly that: When things are okay. People are okay. When things go wrong. People start questioning the okay. The right thing is always right and the wrong thing is always wrong. Whether you admit this or not, the right way of meeting people, of doing business, of starting is always right. The wrong way, however, is also wrong, No matter if it led to a happy ending or not. You have to admit that if something will lead to a wonderful ending, let’s say a mistake happened and you manage to come up with a very brilliant idea, that doesn’t make the mistake anything else than what it already is, you need to admit that this may have been the best mistake ever, but still call it a mistake and if something went right and ended wrong, you need to still acknowledge that it was right instead of focusing on the end result and saying this is wrong.

Whether in business, relationships, or practically anything else, you may need to try un-orthodox manners to reach your goals, nevertheless, trying to put a filter won’t help in validating your means, cause in order to fix your tooth, the dentist may have to make you suffer a lot of pain in order to save you from a lot afterwards, that doesn’t make it feel like a pleasant experience.

Have a nice week.
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Reading the signs and signals

Working as a futurist and as a senior strategist for a while now, taught me a lot of things and one of the most important lessons I learned was about reading signs… Signs about the future, and about what can happen to you or let’s say MAY happen to you.

 Let’s say that you are driving your car, to hear a weird sound coming from the engine, then that sound stops and you don’t hear it again… You may decide to check it out (just to be on the safe side) or just ignore it as it just happened as a one-time thing… if the same sound gets repeated another time, then the sign of something that may be wrong gets stronger, and your internal voice would start communicating with you to tell you that it would be wise to check it out… and if that sound was there for the 3rd time, the sign is stronger now, and you are now saying that you need to check it out… but come on, the car is still running, and everything seems in order, so you decide to get the car engine checked “when you have time”… 2 weeks later, your car broke down while you were taking your wife and kids out and the timing couldn’t be more wrong… and the story went on…

 Another configuration of the same scenario can go into relationships, business transactions, and any other you may think of… you may see some signs that can seem weird but not necessarily worrying from your friend or partner, and then you notice the same behavior more than once until a big issue can happen like betrayal or whatever.

 This week’s tip is about the action that you need to train your self on doing… It’s not about the signs… It’s about READING the signs… You may be going into a place and you see a sign outside in a different language that you don’t understand, and you ignore it and go, only to discover that this sign was meant to stop you from entering or from performing an action and so.

 Some of us are lucky to have CLEAR signs on their way, while the rest of us are not… Imagine that you could see a person wearing a sign that says “Liar” or “Cheater” before things would be more serious between you two. Therefore if you want to train your self on reading the signals, you need to understand patterns and trends… and then you can spot the outlier among these, so taking the example of the car, you know what the different sounds that it produces, and you can tell which sound is “natural” and which is not.

 Find out about something that is wrong, or let’s say not right come from reviewing and analyzing the landscape of all the patterns and what is traditionally have been considered in a normal range and which is not… and mostly you would “feel” that something is not right… Yes, you read that properly… Experienced professional would sense and feel that something is not right but they can’t tell what is it… so they start investigating more… maybe by reviewing old data (did this happen before… with me or with someone else?) and if they couldn’t find it in the old data… they would create a situation that would make them surer or not…

 Just like a doctor, you may find a patient showing a specific symptom, that may seem like a specific sickness, but you can’t be sure with the current data, so you ask for more tests, like blood tests and you check the results against what should be classified as the normal range and you find the outliers and evaluate if these outliers together can prove your theory or not..

 The advice I can give you is that you are NOT to ignore the signs, some signs lead to great opportunities, and some are for a potential discomfort and even a disaster… and they call it the “Window” of opportunity for a reason… if you don’t act quickly, you would miss It and it will be closed; meanwhile, the threat would start small, and then it grows.

 Trust your hunch, and act wisely and appropriately… and it’s ok to be wrong… the more you are wrong, you learn, and the next time you’re more trained to make the right discovery.

 Enjoy your week,

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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Lie to me!

Everybody lies, that’s a famous statement in the TV Series “House”, and in so many other studies. We lie about our age, background, relationships, health and social issues. Lying is just a mechanism that some people use to get away with a specific situation (temporary or permanently).

Ever since you were a kid, and growing year by year, you would start discovering that you can escape some situations if you simply told a lie, babies don’t lie, but at a certain age, they start realizing that they are capable of saying something that is different than the truth, and others may not notice.

TRUST ME I’M LYING

The impact of lying can sometimes not be very significant (like when a husband lie to his wife when she ask him about how does she look in a particular dress) or can be super significant (positively or negatively) when that lie reaches a whole new level (like creating a cult or a new religion… and needless to say, Politics and more).

In this article, I’m not going to go through the “Strategic Lies”, I’m just going to shed the light on few points that a manager can take notes of, and of course anyone for what that matters.

“I’m not upset that you lied to me, I’m upset that from now on I can’t believe you.”

Friedrich Nietzsche

Trusting the person after they have committed a crime towards your honesty, is very difficult. And a lot of actions can fall within the Lying Category (Cheating, deception and more…)

SYMPTOMS OF LYING

Luckily, spotting the (honest) liar can prove to be easier than some would think. As we are all humans, and no matter how great we are and how competent we are, we can (almost) never control our subconscious mind. So per example, you can raise your hand and clap your fingers whenever you want, but you cannot control when your pupils would dilate or when to start or stop sweating per example, as these are all control by your right brain which is (luckily again) the honest part of you.

Let me ask you this, if you child (or little brother) break something, and you confront him to do so… Most likely you would use a sentence like “Look me in the eyes and tell me if you did it”. It’s mostly because avoiding eye contacts is a very major companion to telling a lie.

Other symptoms, includes covering the mouth with your hand, scratching your head and – Believe it or not – scratching your nose because it becomes slightly bigger (do you remember the famous Pinocchio Story where his nose would grow bigger when told a lie?)

The famous Pinocchio

THE LIE FOR ME TEST

This week’s tip is about how to intentionally spot the liar in someone with whom you deal with, work with, or live with…

In a lot of movies, TV series, you would find couples spotting the lies of each others by suggesting specific gestures that the other person is doing and you often hear something like “You always do this thing with your ear when you lie”… So each person, mostly, have a gesture associated with lying. So all you need to do, is to get to know what this/these are.

I used this week’s tip/trick on multiple occasions with my employees, to understand how would they lie. Especially with those in key positions that is critical to me. When I first hired my executive assistant, which is a very tricky role in any organization, I needed to see how would she lie *if ever she had to*; And don’t get me wrong, Maryam (my Executive assistant at the time) was an ANGEL, she was very smart and exceptionally reliable; so I decided to test her;

The test was very simple, and should be harmless, I needed to check how would her facial expression be. When The phone rang, and I knew who was the person calling, I told her to tell them that I wasn’t in the office and that I mostly won’t be able to come today. The task was simple, but she wasn’t very prepared for such a thing… So her reaction was confusion all over her face and all types of gestures… But her voice sounded warm and confident.

And you could guess, that I repeated the same exercise multiple times (with slight changes) to see how would she get more comfortable to lying about that specific topic and then show her trademarked gesture… And then I noticed it… I can Proudly say that I never seen her trademarked gesture in my many years working with her, because she truly was one of the rare few honest people that you would be genuinely lucky to have her in your team. However I wish I can say the same about other members of my team over the years.

So my advice to you is to try to figure out (in your own way) how your key employees lie and then you won’t be surprised when it really Matters.

Have a wonderful week,
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

5 types of lies you tell yourself and what to do next!

You can guess what Monday is it, it’s Monday the first of April, and traditionally it’s a day where you can allow yourself to lie a “white lie” that is both harmless and entertaining with others… Now whether you do that or not, it became a common practice even with big corporations such as Google, Emirates Airlines and way more, so why not?

You talk to yourself all the time, and that’s not necessarily a bad thing… You just need to be careful with the topic itself… what are the most common 5 lies you tell yourself?

“If you wear a mask for too long, there will come a time when you can not remove it without removing your face.” 

Matshona Dhliwayo

#5 I’m a failure

THE END LIE: That’s one statement that you tell yourself when you feel devastated from trying too hard and not succeeding, however what you may not realize that it’s actually an END RESULT which implies that you WON’T CHANGE no matter what… So instead, you can start by saying… I Failed… OK, Cool… What can I learn from this… OK… Now let’s move on…

#4 I am nearly there

THE MOTIVATIONAL LIE: Now despite that I’m not necessarily against this type of way to motivate your self, but sometimes it is used in a way that gives a false sense of completion and hold you back rather than pushing you forward. Per example, if you are commuting for 20 KM, and you passed 1 KM only… Saying that you are nearly there is an overstatement and at the same time, if you’re on the 19 KM mark, then yes you are truthful… However, When you are 9 KM or 11 KM, then you’re not there yet, and but you are far off where you begun, so in this case, you can motivate yourself in whatever you think feasible to keep going… and Not taking it as a reason to stop.

#3 He loves me but, he’s too busy

THE BETTER-HALF LIE: Yeah yeah yeah… He (or she) loves me… but he is too busy to call, too busy to give me attention and too busy for a lot of other things… But he still loves me… and I’m OK with that…. He did this or that because he cares about me… I must have done something wrong to deserve this… And the list goes on and on.

To be honest with you, WTH!!! … You’re giving excuses on behalf of someone else, so in other words, you are assuming something that you don’t know for certain, and if I know one thing… NOTHING is CERTAIN… a lot of people get deceived by someone who they think they knew… and the best con artists in the world… are those who MAKES YOU BELIEVE IT ON YOUR OWN… So if you’re doing the work of giving your Better-half an excuse… Congratulations… You’ve just made a BETTER-HALF Lie to yourself.

#2 I’m going to do this for the last time

THE ONE LAST TIME LIE: I’m going to __________ (start exercising/ dieting/ stopping this /starting that) tomorrow, be for today, I’m going to do this ONE LAST TIME…

Whether you want to quit a bad habit, or start a new one, the temptation that you can get from the ONE LAST TIME of something is unparalleled. Maybe one last smoke? or one last time with this delicious fast food before switching to healthy eating… Whatever your ONE LAST TIME was… If you really wanted to quit, you would just START and resist the temptation of this type of lies.

#1 You can’t cook the chicken except after removing its legs.

Wait… What?? well as a start you need to give it to me that I grabbed your attention.. Read on cause this is the worst type of Lie of them all!

THE TRUE LIE: I once had a conversation with a friend of mine who told me that when he got married, his wife had a small conflict with his mother who was “suggesting” to her on how to cook chicken which is removing its legs then putting it in the oven. And as weird as it sounded, the wife complained to my friend who told her that the Mother learned it from her mother…

So my friend went to the old grandmother, and asked her on the SECRET… and she simply replied “We had a small oven that didn’t fit the whole chicken.”

Just like the mother of my friend didn’t know why her mother was cooking the chicken this way, and decided not to change the way… We have a lot of habits and Knowledge that we don’t know where it came from, and we do them anyhow… And that eventually they became our Truth! and this the worst type, cause it’s a true lie… And you have no idea that it is…

So how about you check which habits falls in the last category… The Lies that you don’t know they are Lies… And you pass them on!

The tip for this week is obviously related to “Stop selling your lies to yourself”… Despite – again – that I hate lying in general and wouldn’t recommend it in any situation, however for the purpose of this blog, I would focus on the part where telling yourself lies to make something better is the worst you could do.

Have a TRUE-LY wonderful week!
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Forgive quickly, move on faster and never forget

Even in the deepest of the wholes in your relationships, you can still move out and on…. However the more you stay there, the more comfortable it will look and more importantly, the more painful the move will be.

There are some situations in life where it will be inevitable to escape, maybe you miss-trusted someone and you paid the price, maybe you expected too much from someone and you got disappointing results or just maybe that person is simply YOU.

When you forgive, you in no way change the past – but you sure do change the future.


Bernard Meltzer

Now I know that what I’m going to say to you might sound more of a cliché, but based on so many experiences of my own and of the people I have interviewed, this cliché does perform better than other tips that you may have seen before.

This week’s tip is about that cliché…

Forgive but never forget.

Let’s say you passed through a bad breakup, irrespective of who’s fault was it, the more you stay without moving on will keep destroying you and your chances of continuing your life… And it’s easier to actually unplugging “while the metal is still hot” than later on when things are colder.

Some would tell you to forget about it and move on… I wouldn’t suggest you do… simply because it’s really REALLY hard to do so… If there was someone who actually figured out how to selectively forget a situation in your life, he or she would be very rich selling that secret to millions of people; So in brief, don’t forget… But the Action that you can really take, is to FORGIVE.

Forgive that person, forgive your self… Either way, it’s a conscious activity that requires both courage and determination..

The Fastest you do so, the easier it is (TRUST ME) to move on… And don’t story there, Move ON…

Blessed are those who give without remembering. And blessed are those who take without forgetting. 

Bernard Meltzer

Never Forget, cause you never really know what the future will bring and how things can change and you may be able to find an opportunity to have a decent CLOSURE that will make it worth it and that will be the last key to make you forget.

Have a wonderful week,
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Don’t build yourself a prison

In my life, I have met a lot of people who – at several times in their life – felt trapped in a prison that they built for themselves… You know that feeling where you cannot move forward and can’t seem to do anything else.

Let me ask you few questions then, and see if you have been or you currently are one of these people I’m describing:

Have you ever suffered from a loss? Have you ever suffered from a bad breakup? from something that was so bad that it penetrated your every bone and you felt that with every beat of your heart there was pain… 24/7

If the answer to this was YES, or in a way, you can relate to that by remembering a special person if your head… Then by all means.. READ ON!

I’ve heard a lot of similar advice, and in different wording, but the substance is the same… Hardship will always happen, it’s what you do when it happens that makes all the difference.

I had a discussion once in one of my Facebook Live sessions, and 2 points emerged from that:

  1. You may feel a direct link with how much a person means to you and how STRONG / BAD you feel sad for their loss.
  2. The pain can sometimes be the only link you have with someone

Whatever you think the world is withholding from you, you are withholding from the world.

Eckhart Tolle

This week’s tip is all about what you should NOT DO…

If you read the previous 2 points properly, you would realize a reason from which you feel obliged to be sad for the loss of someone…

Don’t get me wrong, feeling sad and upset and all these types, is healthy and it makes you wash away a lot of things in the process… However when that activity evolve into building yourself a prison for the next several years… then it’s BAD..

Realize that YOU may fall victim of YOU… You may put a roadblock on your future by imprisoning yourself in the past… So Simply… DON’T

Give yourself enough time to be sad… and express it in every mean you can think of… in Public or in Private… But do STOP at one point.. Otherwise you are building yourself a prison… Built by YOU… to imprison YOU.

Have a great week,
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Find your soul mate with your heart, mind and soul

I have been asked this question on multiple occasions, and I while I can’t really answer in a scientific way, but at least I can just tell you what I think and what do the ones I have interviewed think about this topic.

Let’s face it, finding something you don’t know what it looks like is very hard, cause it can be starring at you in the face and you wouldn’t realize… And that is mostly the case around the world… People want to find someone that they can’t define, and when they do end up by defining them, their definition is more vague than real… That you end up looking up for Mr. or Ms. Perfect…

How do you find your soulmate?

I had a conversation a while back with a colleague, she comes from a traditional and conservative family which means that meeting a person can be a bit more tricky since she will have a relatively small time to get to know properly at first before things are more Formal… And only then they can get to know each others properly.

And while that is not necessarily a bad thing, a lot of successful marriages happened that way, and from all backgrounds and corners of the world.

My response to my colleague was in a tips form, and here’s some of the points that we talked about:

  • You don’t really know someone unless you either have lived with them or traveled with them.
  • Sometimes the smallest of details are the breaking points in relationships, per example, you will never know how your life can become with a SNORING PARTNER… Are you Ok with that? Will you be ok?
  • When you expedite your life into years and years, and the fun is over… Do your dreams and plans are still aligned? or it’s simply one side of the equation and the other partner will just follow?
  • How much SOCIALLY are you pressured to get married?
  • and more…

A lot of questions more than answers are posted in such conversations, but the core and fundamentals of the answer are simple sometimes:

Find your soulmate with your mind, heart, and soul

This week’s tip is about that… So without further introduction here are some things you can start with:

  1. Find someone as attractive as you are (too much or too little will certainly keep either of you feeling lower or higher… which is not what you are aiming for)
  2. Find someone with mutual intellectual vibes… You could have a PhD while he hasn’t finished High School… that doesn’t really mean that you can’t click and won’t have mutually intellectual vibes… Based on your views and conversations and how you each see the world… it will say a lot of things about you.
  3. Find someone with mutual interests: You like photography? outings? parties? movies, books, sports… etc… It goes without saying…
  4. Find someone with the same direction as you: If you are planning to leave to Canada while he is planning to stay in his own country, or vice versa; or simply you are looking for stability while they are more risky type (to the gambling extreme)… then these pose questions that you won’t be able to solve later.
  5. Find someone with the spiritual element close to yours: You may be the religious type or not, and they might be slightly like you or not… DON’T COUNT THAT YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CHANGE THEM OR YOU WILL BE ABLE TO CHANGE… It’s a Flag…

As a conclusion, there’s no specific nor scientific answer… Just take your time, make sure you both are attracted to each others on multiple levels and the feeling is fairly mutual and not socially pressured.

Have a wonderful week!
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Be Thankful for those who matter in your life

At some point in your life, you would wake up to hear that a dear person to you have passed away; It’s one of the most devastating times in your life to bear, to know that this particular person will no longer be physically there anymore.

Knowing that nothing can prepare you for such a moment, a harder time might lie ahead, which is living with Regret; Regret of not being able to spend enough time with them or regret of maybe not being able to sort out some differences that didn’t really matter… and so on.

 Family is not an important thing. It’s everything. 

Michael J. Fox

This week’s tip is about being Thankful for those who matter in your life.

The Feeling of being thankful, is that deep warmth that calms you when you are down, that gentle smile that breaks the walls of anxiety and that knowledge that life is still easier with those loved ones in your life. 

Being thankful everyday, creates a wonderful feeling that would allow you to feel indestructible. And would bring so much joy to you, whenever you express it, it could be a simple text message that you would send to your loved one, or the gift of time of you spending it with them.

Be Thankful for those who matter in your life… Every day!

Have a Thankful Week!
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

Ask yourself about the reason

They say of a story of 3 birds that live together in a nest on the top of a tree; one of the these birds goes out everyday and gets food for the rest, the second one takes care of the nest (house) and protects it and keeps it habitable, while the third bird just sits there all day and do nothing. 

One day, a storm came along and the tree started to shake very enormously, and the three birds were very afraid that things might not end up in a very good way for all of them. 

The storm became more furious, and the nest became at risk and the only way to keep it from falling, is that one of the 3 birds needed to leave the nest so it can hold the other 2. 

The first bird said: “I should stay, I’m the most important one, ain’t I the one who bring food and provide for this nest?”

The Second bird also said: “I should stay, I’m the one who take care of the nest, and protect it. “

The third bird looked at both, knowing where this would lead to and said in a crying eye: “It is because of me that we have a nest, each one of you can easily live alone… But it is because of me, that all of us are together in the nest… I’m the reason for this nest to BE.”

Despite the enormous storm, the three birds decided to stick together no matter what happens, and hours later, the storm ended… But the reason for making them a family didn’t.

 You Don’t Choose your family, they are GOD’s gift to you, as you are to them.

Desmond Tutu

The story of the 3 birds is a story that can be observed in so many homes, and in every family; We sometimes forget the reason that brings us together and can recall so many other reasons that would set us apart. 

This week’s Tip is about Finding the Reason. 

In the darkest of nights, and in the brightest of days, the reasons can sometimes be hidden in plain sights, we could chose not to see them properly or to ignore them all together. However there will be times where these reasons will be the cause you are will be saved. 

Cheers,
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Samer Chidiac is a Strategic Innovation Advisor, a Business Psychologist, a Philanthropist, an Author and a Speaker. 

You can check his Books on Amazon & Sellfy, Follow him on Facebook, Twitter and Instagram and check his Website for More.

You can’t change people, but people can change because of you

How many times you have closed your eyes and wished deep inside  that someone could just change? and how many times you thought you really “could do it” and change them? was it a behavior that you didn’t like, was it a wishful thought to make your relationship become better. Whatever the reason was, we all did it, and more likely we will all keep doing it… Trying to Change others… 

The Miracle of Believing is Individual, is Singular, I wish I could believe for all of you, but the fact remains that you need to believe for yourself.

~Jim Rohn

In my upcoming Book, “Living an Influential Life”, I go over the power of Influence and how you can inspire and aspire others to change by simply working on yourself and building specific aspects of YOU that will make others look up to you.

Let’s pause for a second and think of the following… If you have been doing something in a specific way, and it was working for you… Would you want to look for ways to enhance it? chances are that you won’t… However when that specific way lead to a disaster, then you would be forced to change… But there are those times, when you are not really looking for way to enhance and change things, and suddenly, you see someone else doing it in a much efficient way, that you feel inspired to change!

During my line of work, I used to travel a LOT… and I have used to ask the cabin crew for requests in a very polite manner but really had no specific way on how to do so; Until one day, one of my Best friends, Bachar D.  who was more experienced in traveling than I was, gave me a great tip… We were siting in a restaurant and he asked for a napkin from the waiter, he said to him: “Excuse me, <First Name – that he could read from the nameTag>, when you have time, can you please get me a napkin.” and the waiter smiled at him, and despite how busy he was, he did prioritize getting the napkin for him in no time…

Now of course it may sound silly for you, but when Bachar explained this to me, he said that the fact that he mentioned ” WHEN YOU HAVE TIME” in the sentence, it made a huge difference in the structure of the sentence and the other person felt more respected, and of course this was a trick that he learned in the airline business…. and Ever since, I tried it and used it over and over and over and it works every time…

He really didn’t ask me to change… He didn’t say that my “can I have a napkin please” is horrible… he really didn’t say anything… he was just being him, and doing things his way… and Just that… Inspired me to make a small change in my behavior.

So the tip for this week, is Instead of trying so hard to Change people, Be The Change you want to see… and inspire others to change because of you!

Your Story Matters... By Bachar Dib

This post is dedicated to Bachar Dib

Enjoy your Week!

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Samer Chidiac

Samer Chidiac is a Sr. Strategist, Author & an International Innovation Expert.

The Monday Tip Weekly blog is part of the “Influencing the Life of Others” project

Remember that Future Feeling

The worst or best feelings you pass through might be caused by past events, it doesn’t really matter if it’s something that happened an hour ago or 10 years ago, when it had an impact on you, it had an impact on you, whether positive or negative.

Even when you’re in Love, you are in that feeling of LOVING your self when you feel it, you feel that warmth, even by thinking of a MOMENT that was totally responsible for weeks of happiness.

Now I was asked many times about a specific topic related to Love, and especially how should someone treat his or her loved ones, and my answer was always as simple as this week’s tip:

Remember that Future Feeling!

You really don’t need to experience the loss of someone to start appreciating them,

You really don’t need to wait for someone amazing to happen so you can start putting more efforts into your relationship,

Life is unpredictable, because people are, and your chances are always the same, in Love, in Life and in Work… So Make sure you don’t waste today, worrying about tomorrow, and don’t just learn from your past mistakes, learn from the lessons you DON’T want life to teach you..

Enjoy your Week!

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Image courtesy of Stockimages / FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Samer Chidiac

Samer Chidiac is a Sr. Strategist, Author & an International Innovation Expert.

The Monday Tip Weekly blog is part of the “Influencing the Life of Others” project